Back when the Taliban were ruling Afghanistan, they protected their fiefdom with a Department for the Prevention of Vice and the Protection of Virtue. The Department had a cadre of enforcers called the DPVPV police. Their job was to see to it that women were kept jobless and uneducated and completely covered except for their eyeballs. The enforcers would beat women who had so much as an ankle showing in public.
Then, our Great Decider dropped off democracy in Afghanistan, on his way to Baghdad. Now Afghanistan has a President—Hamid Karzai—who’s idea of democracy includes reviving the old Taliban Department for the Prevention of Vice and Protection of Virtue.
I happen to think President Karzai may be on to something. We could use a Department for the Prevention of Vice and the Protection of Virtue to defend our democracy--- against terrorists, liberals and the ACLU! It’s true that we do have the PNC (Protective Neo-Con Cabinet) and the RWEG (Right Wing Evangelical Guard) who are working day and night to protect us from an invasion by Osama bin-Laden. But we need protection from our internal terrorists.
A Department for the Prevention of Vice and the Protection of Virtue, could, for example, order subversives like Cindy Sheehan to wear a burka. That way the public could only see her eyeballs and not be corrupted by her "bring our troops home" t-shirt. It might require an occasional beating to keep her in line.
Also, the Department could follow the lead of Saudi Arabia, our democratic allies in the fight for freedom, and ban women from driving automobiles. That way these femi-fascists would not be able to follow our Great Decider from state to state disrupting his lessons on the sanctity of war.
Of course it would fall to the Protection of Virtue enforcers to help guide young girls away from the path of these subversive older women. This could be done by simply enforcing the law forbidding females under 18 from getting the "morning after pill" to prevent pregnancy. That way, young girls would be protected from promiscuity and the resulting babies would keep them at home instead of protesting against the Great Decider.
One of the biggest jobs would go to the Prevention of Vice enforcers. That would be to keep these terrorist sympathizer cells in the United States from aiding and abetting the enemy.
The first order of business would be to get rid of the likes of federal District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor—who had the temerity to declare the Great Decider’s warrantless wiretapping program illegal and unconstitutional.
Adding insult to subversion, Judge Taylor said, "There are no hereditary Kings in America and no powers not created by the Constitution". Can you believe that? Why, its common knowledge in the White House that when the Great Decider was elected, it automatically bestowed upon him the inherent power to do anything he wants in the name of 9/11.
As our Great Decider has told us, over and over—we are either for him or for the terrorists. Or—as in the words of that great Demopublican Joe Lieberman, "we undermine the president’s credibility at our nation’s peril." The Decider needs this protection against the vice of criticism.
And finally, with a Department for the Prevention of Vice and the Protection of Virtue, we would not have to worry about the Taliban Democrats in Congress continuing to facilitate Al Quaida’s quest to invade America. The DPVPV would have the authority to vacate those terrorist sympathizers and install the staff of Fox News.